In the first two parts of the article, I was talking about the unnecessary struggles we might experience as we are facing sudden changes or when we feel lost. Mostly it is our own stories, that we tell ourselves that make the situations even harder. I described in the second part a neurobiological model that can help us to get ourselves back grounded and decide the next step from that place.
During each emotional wave, we have 90 seconds to deal with the hormonal effects that occur. During this time, we can observe the emotion, the changes in our body, and call in the other 3 characters, all of whom are on duty to restore emotional balance. That’s the timeframe we must decide, because if we go beyond 90 seconds, the hormones flooding our bodies will take over our thoughts. If we can use our 4 characters well, we can make our decisions from an emotionally grounded place and then communicate from there, being aware of how our actions affect others.
Once we get to know our 4 characters and can call in the Brain Huddle in that short window of time, we are very quickly back into our equilibrium, we can see more clearly and make better decisions.
Calling in the BRAIN Huddle – the 90 seconds rule!
B=Breathe | Any breathing exercise that calm ourselves down by making longer exhales. | Releasing tension and grounding. |
R=Recognize | What happened before?
Where do I feel it in my body? |
Recognizing the character that called in the huddle. |
A=Appreciate | What do I appreciate in this character? What is he/she wants to call my attention for?
What is behind the body sensation? |
Self-appreciation and compassion instead of self-loathing. |
I=Inquire | In this situation how do my other characters feel? What would they all need? | Taking back control over the auto-pilot reactions. Preparing our response from a grounded place. |
N=Navigate | What would our best response be?
|
Responsing from a place in which we cultivate compassion, healthy boundaries and opennes toward the others. |
Dr. Brené Brown mentioned in her podcast that the 3 least frequently heard words in a conflict situation are ‘Tell me more!’, which would show that we are ready to understand the problem, and open to dig deeper to identify its roots. How nice it would be… But most of the times this is not the case, just the contrary. In order to be able to articulate the three magic words in tensions, we must first bring ourselves back into a state of equilibrium, this is what self-regulation is, and only then do we become capable of co-regulation. In this way, we can manage the emergence of emotional waves in the team, without unnecessary interference and without creating even bigger storms. These are the two leadership superpowers of our times.
By making the most of the power of the 4-characters in our workplaces we can create an environment around us that is joyful, trustworthy, transparent and above all, very energizing!
If you are interested in rewiring your brain with easy techniques, stay tuned for the fourth part. Coming soon!
If you want to develop your individual self-regulation skills – book a call with me here.
If you are interested in a meditation practice group, join the Heart Centered Leadership private FB group here!